60.4 kg in the morning.
Slowly reaching back to under 60kg.

No time for internet= no time for blogging.
Eating as little as possible without making my parents realize what I have been up to.. successfully. 
Got my final thanks-God-my-first-year-of-college-is-over grades last Friday- better than expected. Pretty good, actually.

Loving all your posts, my loves. Too bad elegantthinspo is gone...If you are reading this- good luck with everything, sweetheart. If you resume your blogging for whenever and for whatever reason, let me know, ok?

Good luck to all of you. Yes, we can do this. We will overcome all obstacles however hard it might be because we are so strong. Lots of love from the old continent.

Back in the Homeland.

Sweethearts, I'm back at home since last Saturday. Since I always suffer from terrible jet lags, I've been sleeping pretty much since I arrived, but... there always seems to be a 'but'. I've been eating so much it's not even possible: I'm incredibly ashamed of myself. The thing is- my parents have been stuffing me since my arrival and there's just no way how to refuse the food and not to eat with them. I'm back to 62 kg and shifted from the anorexic not eating at all to bulimic and fault-feeling cycle of eating too much (compared to what I had been eating before I was under the constant watch of my parents) and purging.

Yes, only purging makes me feel better. I can feel the grams and the kilos staying in my body and building more and more fat and my new jeans getting smaller and smaller on my thighs every day- I feel so disgusting. So so disgusting. It's also really hard for me to keep blogging because of the excitement of my parents that I'm at home and being very curious as to what I'm doing at all times- I can't just go on internet and write a post. I will have to try anyway- I need to keep keeping track of what I'm putting into my mouth and thus stay determined in my goal. I'll be so lucky if I manage to keep my weight at least at this point over the summer and keep losing it when I'm back at school. Ah, the perks of summer.

It's lovely to be at home though. I'm not saying it's not, I've been looking forward to the end of the school semester for way too long.. now it's here. It's just so hard to stay determined, harder than I though it would be. Your blogs really help, my darlings, I just don't have the time to comment on them.

I love you and honestly- thank you for all your support. Nothing would be possible without you.

Best of luck on all your exams, end of semesters and such. I'll be posting something as soon as I can, I promise. I'll also start adding some thinspo pictures, because I really need them at this point. Sending all my love to all of you from the lovely old Europe!!

Overloaded with Schoolwork/ Stressed out.

More die in the United States of too much food than of too little. 
(John Kenneth Galbraith, The Affluent Society)


Another good reducing exercise consists in placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back.
(Robert Quillen)

Several days have passed and here's my new post. I finally thought of a solution to my scale problem and ordered the appropriate battery online. No idea how I had not thought of it earlier, but, anyway- it should be coming in mail before Friday. No other word can describe my excitement better, just- FINALLY. I'm actually kind of scared of what I'll see on the display, but, at the same time, I really want to find out how I've been doing with my diet.

Frankly, I haven't really been eating much, I guess a maximum of 200-250 calories a day since my last post (last Thursday). There was a party I had to go to yesterday night and had to eat a chicken burrito and cake afterwards, so tasty, what can I say, but I felt so guilty afterwards (and it was probably also the problem of a stuffed shrunk stomach) that I really started feeling sick and had to purge: unwillingly. Sign that my body is getting used to the lack of food... I'm wearing my smallest pair of jeans now and I feel them fitting very loosely around my thighs and my waist. Definitely a good sign, even though I'll need to go shopping for a new pair of jeans before I go home and that is, at this point of the semester, waste of the precious time I need in order to complete my assignments and projects (oh, don't take me wrong, I love shopping.. and it'll for sure be more fun when I'm eventually shopping for small, maybe even extra-small sizes, it's just the school workload is HUGE).

Good luck to all of you, sweethearts and I'll post an update soon.

Busy, yet Happy.

Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success. 

(Stephen A. Brennan)

Just stepped on my (un)trustworthy scale I managed to bring back from the land of the dead and had a VERY pleasant surprise-- it shows 59.9 kg (about 132 pounds), which means I finally conquered my weight goal 1.. I'm reeaally happy about this; even though I still feel threatened by it, I managed to get under that terrible and haunting line my body drew at 60kg and for the longest time had not been able to get past it (in the downward sense, of course). Now it's time to go on with the plan.. can't stop here, can't stay satisfied. The better is within the reach of the hand. Only if losing weight was as easy as putting it on.. but then, well, everyone would be thin and beautiful.. and we beg to differ, right? When it comes to losing weight and reaching our ideals of beauty, scales are our best friends, yet they are our mortal enemies. 

Had a cup of coffee in the morning and have a headache now, so I guess I'll be having another one very soon. Haven't really been drinking enough water since I got up, will definitely try to be at least as good as yesterday (almost 4 liters, think that's my personal record... my parents would be proud, I've never been too much of a water-drinker) :). Off to a biology class soon, then work, then endless assignments... and, girls, it's Friday tomorrow!! (As of today, 15 days until going home.). Wow, time really does fly.

Have a wonderful day, my loves, we can do this together if we stay determined!!!

Okay, I'm back.

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places. (Author Unknown)


There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream. (Author Unknown)


I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday. (Author Unknown)


The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. (Nelson Mandela)


Hi sweethearts, I haven't posted anything on my blog for way too long because I was ashamed of how my liquid fast ended up being just a series of fasting, binging and purging, fasting, binging, and... yeah; basically it's just been a huge vicious circle I haven't been able to put to an end. Last week I lasted about 4 days and then went back to my routine of eating/not-eating/stuffing my face with anything within reach. Shame on me, I know...


Anyhow, I am back and this time want to do things similarly to how I did them when I started my blog- document what I eat and encourage myself and you with motivational thinspo quotes- exactly like I did before. Yesterday I resumed my fast and with the realization that I have 16 days left before I go home, my determination is stronger than ever: the time is flying by and I need to lose at least 5 or 6 more kilos. To my present weight- I haven't been able to get the type of battery my digital scale uses and so I tried to resuscitate my old one, with some actual results: today in the morning it showed 60.6 kg: I'm actually really surprised I lost so much weight even though I'm not really sure how trustworthy the scale is with the old battery... anyway, this result really encouraged me: I have a couple more kilos to go and if I keep my self-discipline more strict than I have so far, I'm pretty sure the few kilos can go down before I leave.


Today- two cups of coffee, one or two more I'm still planning on drinking, 1 1/2 liters of water... need to drink at least 2 more liters before going to bed.


That's for today. And- thank you SO MUCH for all your encouragement, my loves, my dear followers. I can't express how thankful I am for all your cheerfulness and support.


Lots of love and- we can do this, girls!

Liquid Fast, DAY 3.

Liters of coffee. French roast, please. Liters of water. Yes, with ice. Thank you very much. 23 days until the summer break. 2 days until the weekend. 2 essays due before Friday. Feeling of hunger diminishing every day. The kilos I know I'm losing. The jeans I had on today for the first time since December because they didn't fit until today. The vision of me wearing ultra-short summer shorts, showing off thin legs and feeling good about myself. Yes to short dresses and no to embarrassment. That's what keeps me going.

No, no food. The lesser I eat, the better I feel about myself. If I only knew I'd feel so happy without food, I'd have stopped eating a long time ago. Oh yes. But now- I'm losing what I don't need. The world will be at my feet. I'll walk in the street and think how lovely, how beautiful, how enjoyable everything is. I will reach my goal. I know I will. The road might get bumpy, but I know I'm strong enough to see through the challenges and have my dream in front of my eyes at all times.

Everything is about keeping what you dream of close to your heart. It's not about what others think you should do, it's about you, about you, about you. This is about me. I want to be able to say I'm a determined, strong, will-empowered woman driven by my own visions, not the others' opinions. That's what keeps me going.


Have you ever thought about why you're doing what's you're doing?
Now would be the time. Stop and think.

Liquid Fast, DAY 2.

Every moment of resistance to temptation is a victory. 
(Frederick William Faber)


We gain the strength of the temptation we resist. 
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

A really good day today. I drank 4 cups of coffee and lots of water with lemon juice. The coffee flavor seems to work as an appetite suppressant for me- maybe it's the flavor, maybe it's just the texture of it that trick my stomach into thinking it doesn't need food. And that's the great news- I didn't feel hungry today, I didn't even feel weak or nauseous in the morning, I just went on until now without the urge to eat. Right now, as I'm writing this, I feel my stomach is protesting against the absence of solid nutrients, but I'll be going to sleep soon, so I'm ignoring it: I'm winning. And that makes me really happy.

Ok, so tomorrow's day 3 of my fast and I'm really scared of how it will turn out, since days 3-4 during my last try were my downfall (=binge). I'll do my best to fill my stomach with as much water as possible and I'm more than sure that if I resist tomorrow, it'll definitely help my determination because I'll feel like a winner. I KNOW it. Now the important part is to avoid any temptation tomorrow. Please think of me and send your positive waves my direction.

P.S. I really need to weigh myself... I'm getting really anxious, not knowing how badly/ how well I've been doing these days. Just a couple more days until Saturday and my trip to Walmart (too bad I won't have any time before that). I hope it'll be a pleasant surprise once I finally step on the scale.

Good night, girls! Let's stay strong.

Your determined girl.