"Just keep eating like this and you'll have to leave the expensive
small jeans here when you're packing for school in August."
pats my stomach after lunch. grins. says nothing.
clearly looking at my thighs: "How about no dinner tonight?"
watching TV: "Look at that weather girl! Girls these days are so skinny!"
"You've gained a lot of weight in the two weeks that you've been home, right? Your cheeks are so chubby!"
With all my heart, mind and soul, I was determined to let the comments pass me by, but last night, the last comment my dad made, swept the glass vase of the fragile self-confidence I have been trying to glue together for the past year from the labile table of my existence. I was determined to do it the healthy way, my mind was so set on being the happy, healthy girl not at all preoccupied with her weight- I just wanted to be happy- that was all. The pressure I didn't count with pushed me onto my knees, and I'm back, I'm here, I'm blogging again... and I have to lose more weight.
I tried working out: I have been doing an hour on our stationary bicycle every day last week (burning 1000 calories a day) and my calves are starting to look toned. And bigger. And I didn't lose a single pound. And that freaks me out. I'll have to try a different routine.
55.7 kg (122.8 lbs) as of today.
My first goal is to get to the 53 kg (116.84 lbs) I was two weeks ago.
And this time, nothing can stop me from reaching the 48 kg (105 lbs).
I love you, girls. Only you truly understand what I'm going through.
Thank you for all your support last time- when I thought that... well, it doesn't matter now: let's just leave it all behind and start over.
I need you, darlings.
Lu.
I'm sorry if this offends you but your dad is a BASTARD for saying those things to you. How dare he judge you like that. How DARE he?!
ReplyDeleteI'm so angry. It's a father's job to make his daughter feel like a princess; like the most beautiful girl in the world.
Please don't let anyone tell you how to be.
xx
I'm sorry your dad says horrible things to do. Just remember, you're beautiful! Stay strong!
ReplyDeleteYou know Determined Girl, I was thinking about you yesterday- I knew you hadn't posted in a while and I was wondering how you were doing! You mean someone actually said those things do you? That's so mean! It's different when those thoughts pass through your mind, but when they actually come out in words, they're much more powerful.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your blog title, you should never let anyone's opinion matter to you (unless they're saying something friendly of course ^^). I read one time that the only reason why words bother us is because we allow them to. Well, that's definitely easier said than done because I let words affect me much more than I should as well.
You can leave the past behind and start anew once more. Your future is always in your hands and you alone have the power to make things happen ♥
I can't believe your father would say those things to you. That's awful. Despicable. I can't think of an adjective colorful enough to describe the sheer atrociousness of what he said. Try to put them out of your mind, dear. You are strong enough to be healthy on your own, if that's what you want. And if you do want to lose the weight, then you're strong enough to do that, too. Just remember that you are beautiful.
ReplyDeleteYOU'RE BACK!!! haha it's ridiculous how happy I am that you and your beautiful blog posts are back! I'm so glad! While I wish it was under happier circumstances (those things you wrote were awful, your dad ought to be ashamed of himself), I was nevertheless OVERJOYED to see a new blog post, when I had been expecting to see "This is not a goodbye, it's more like I'll be seeing you..." for the zillionth time. AAAAAAHHH you're BACK! with all my love and support, RaeLynn
ReplyDelete