Saturday, November 20, 2010

Fall break day 1.

55.3 kg (121.92 lbs).
almost 15 lbs down since September.
almost 12 lbs to go before I start feeling more beautiful.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Fall break starts today.

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They try to tell me whatever I blame myself for is not my fault,
that it's all in my head. 
Oh, I know it's in my head... it's the only thing I think of.
It's there, constantly hitting the edges of my brain and bouncing
back and forth,
among those memories
It's that time of the year: the time of hopelessness, regret,
farewells, loneliness, darkness and falling leaves. 
Almost all of them are gone now.

I wish I could travel with the wind.

Can't stop.

I've been feeling really down lately; nothing seems to work out the way I plan and no matter what I do, no matter how much I cram for my tests, no matter how much extra work I do for my classes, nothing is enough. I feel trapped in the vicious cycle of not eating until I feel like I need to have a bite of anything, anything just not to pass out and then purging after eating fifty calories because I feel so guilty... guilty... guilty... all the time.

I don't know if I can do this any more.
I don't know if I can stop now.
I'm not sure about myself.
I'm not sure about anything any more.

I can't stop.
I can't stop.

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