May 11, 2013. 11:01pm.

I've been writing poetry and drinking whiskey like water.

An old lover returned to me last week and we've been inseparable ever since. She comes every night and wants to stay near so all we do is lay in bed, count the heartbeats, streetcars, songs of the drunks and syllables in my verses. We've always been in a love-hate relationship; regardless of our complicated history, I always greet her with my eyes and arms wide open. Someone told me once she was a bitch but I couldn't care less. (Chances are she slept with most of you as well.) We're as intimate as we've always been.

Insomnia.

The only thing I wish for these days is that I find a way to live my life in happiness. Cliché, I know.

11:11. Here I go again.

I've been feeling so lonely lately that I often find myself standing by the windows, observing people down on the street, imagining what kind of lives they lead and what makes them who they are.

 

As always, I pushed everyone who cared away, forgetting again that trying to surround myself with new people is exhausting. Honestly, right now I don't really have the necessary energy so I'm lonely on my own. I'm beginning to realize it's tragic when you only trust yourself and it makes me a little less hopeful for the future as I need other people to trust me, which is, as a matter of fact, difficult if I can't make it work both ways.

twelve streetcars
one national anthem
three folk songs
seven airplanes in the sky
and countless vicious circles I can't seem to be able to get myself out of.

And the night has just begun.