Sometimes I feel like our lives are parallel to the existence of the closing credits. You know, like when the movie's over, some of the bigger lights guiding the way along the stairs come back on, and most people stand up because, well, it's time to go home-- and the movie theater gradually falls silent, and you just sit there, looking at the list of people who shaped what you just watched into a coherent whole and look around yourself, just to spot a few people in the room who, like you, stuck around until the very end, and the sense of togetherness, the feeling of familiarity just becomes blatantly obvious.
The flow of people in and out of my life has always been a reassuring constant to me; I've been hurt numerous times throughout the years and learned to leave before I was left, yet the people who mattered always managed to find a way to keep up and stick by my side. I am not terribly good at relationships; in fact, I'm terrified that other people feel like I'm not good or fun or worthy enough to be wasting time with. I like to run and push people away out of pure persuasion I'll eventually hurt them much less if I'm out of reach. And maybe it's a subconscious test to see who will care enough to call. I've hurt myself countless times with the realization I'm not as unforgettable as I would like be; they say that sometimes it's the people you haven't heard from in a while who'd like to talk to you the most (just don't know how. I certainly don't know how.). Some days it just hits me how many bridges I've burnt and how many people I've hurt along the way. But then-- life goes on, it certainly does not stop for anyone, and we keep walking, jogging, running, making turns and U-turns, building and burning bridges. The thing is-- no matter how alone we feel, there will always be people who will catch up, swim side-by-side with the ruins of our burning bridges, people who will want to stay and watch the end credits with us. And even those who walk out of the movie theater to go home right after the closing scene-- we might see them again sometime, maybe even in the same place, as it is possible, after all, that we share a similar taste in movies.
As for my no-binging/ hearting challenge..
I'm learning to say no to my emotional hunger.
I'm also learning not to sabotage my achievements in the process.
That's a good thing, right?
Love always,
Lu.
P.S.Peri, love, I have a bad feeling about a comment or two I made on your posts. Check your spam comments tab, maybe?
-L.
