Friday, November 26, 2010

Fall break day 6.

It's on rainy days like these that I realize how lonely I feel
and yet I am utterly unable to put myself out there.
I will, once I am comfortable with myself, once I am beautiful.

I need to stop recycling people
and learn how to love.
The truth is that I've always been better at leaving
rather than coming back.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Fall break day 5.

I wish I was beautiful.
I'm still a work in progress;
 so many girls have tried and succeeded,
so why shouldn't I be one of them?
It's been raining all day today; should start studying tomorrow.

 Christmas in one month.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Fall break day 4.

made a promise to a friend last week to have dinner with him; 
and he planned it for today. 
I've fasted all day today, exactly as I planned (had 2 cups of coffee only), 
but now I'll need to eat... looked at the online menu and 
a coconut shrimp salad should be below 400 calories; 
still way too many. 
But I know it'll be alright; 
I'm keeping my eyes on my goal at all times.


I know we'll make it.
I know.

Fall break day 3.

Weight relapse...
I feel so bloated, but I can't purge... 
need some nutrients in my body before I start fasting again; tomorrow is the fresh start. 
Monday's gone, 6 days of break left. Need to catch up on school stuff and sleep.


This is my story.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Fall break day 2.

54.6 kg (120.37 lbs).
I'm just so very hungry.  

Our break started, which means I need to cook for myself.
Going to the supermarket today; I'm feeling so weak I hope I'll make it all the way there and back.
Feel like I haven't eaten properly for way too long; and I don't even miss it. I'd be really happy about my weight if only there wasn't the nauseating feeling of weakness and loneliness.

Meal for today- potato pancakes.
Will eat three or four of them 
Yes, 600 calories.
No, at this point, I really don't care.
I have to eat.

27 days before going home.
Never in my life have I felt such a need for going back.
I've almost forgotten how my mommy's embrace feels.