Saturday, June 30, 2012

Find what you love and let it kill you.


Got back into the habit of no breakfasts, purged lunches, four espressos a day and cigarettes.
Shrinking again: I feel it, I see it. I'm doing it to myself again, yet can't stop. It brings me the kind of peace of mind I needed and the kind of self-control I wasn't able to grasp and hold onto for so long.


The hipbones I haven't seen in months are beginning to show and it only means two things:
(1) I am winning the battle against my body, the fat embracing my bones and the food cravings stuck in my head.
(2) I am losing the battle against the illness that has been my best friend for over two years now.


...somehow, for some ill and uncontrollable, yet fascinating and strangely comforting reason, I am not willing to give up now. This time, I will get down to the weight I always wanted to be and never had the courage (or the right amount of continuous self-persuasion) to be.

The old determined girl is back.
For good or bad, Lu is on the winning streak again.