Monday, March 21, 2011

Never forget to praise the bridge that carried you over.

I am so very honored, my darlings Hannah and Anafly.
This is the first award I have received since my very beginnings on blogger, and I am happy beyond words that it was me who you chose to pass it on to when there are millions or wonderful and admirable bloggers out there.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
It really means a lot to me to know that I can (at least a tiny little bit) inspire and uplift your thoughts, even if for just a little moment, even if just for those few minutes when you read my posts and look at my pictures.
I love you so very much, girls.

Alright, seven random facts about myself:

Fact 1.
I am a proud European (in case you couldn't already tell from my English), but for the past 4 years, I have only been spending my winter and summer breaks in my homeland.
Fact 2
I'm a neat freak (in case you couldn't already tell), but my closet is a complete mess: it seems to live a life on its own and there's nothing I can do about it.
Fact 3
I have played the piano for almost 15 years now... and once I actually dreamed of becoming a concert pianist. However, in the two years I have been here, I have never performed in my college... no one has any idea that I even play.
Fact 4
The relationship with my family rapidly improved after I left Europe; the distance made me realize they're actually the only people that will be there for me... always, no matter what.
Fact 5
I very much despise my glasses that I have worn since I was 7 years old, but I'm trying to save some money to get a laser surgery (hopefully this summer).
Fact 6
It is very easy for me to manipulate people, especially guys, into doing things they wouldn't normally do (or things they wouldn't do if I didn't push them). Somehow, people always end up doing what I want. It's freaky, but most of the time, I don't even have to tell them.
Fact 7
I have an unusual "un-luck" for guys that there is something wrong with: and, to be fair, I am unable to talk to my ex-boyfriends... and that's something that's wrong about myself.

That was fun! Hope you enjoyed reading those (most people have no idea about at least 5 of those 7), and here is the tricky part. You know I love every single one of you, my darlings, but I can only pass this award on to 10 of you.
The people that never seem to run out of kind words and are a true inspiration to me (and more people should know about them, so go follow, ok? :) are:

Jackie of Simply Jackie
Ariana of A Thin Journey
Lottie x of Dreaming Skinny
Olivia Lee of Count My Bones

Oh...that's 10. Please also go check out the blogs of the two girls I received the award from (and no, this is not cheating :)
Frail Wings of Vanity and Wax
Hannah of Hannah
Anafly of The Anafly

To all my other followers and wonderful commenters, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for every single one of your gorgeous, sweet, caring and understanding words. Without you, I certainly wouldn't have come as far as I have... and you don't need an award as a proof, right? (if you do, let me know and I'll create a special one for you :).



You'll always be in my heart, my darlings.
Sorry, no thinspo for today, this post is already freakishly long and I have to get my homework done.. Will post something thinspiring tomorrow, I promise!

Love you all so very much,

P.S. Adeline, I'm really nor sure if you're still reading our blogs, but I just wanted to thank you for being there for me from the very beginning... you'll always be one of the special few who listened and supported me when I was just starting and when things were the hardest. Together, we've come a long way. Wherever you are, whatever you do, whoever you are with, I will never forget you. You'll have my love and admiration- always.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Never, never, never give up.

There is absolutely no way how I will ever be able to tell you how much every single one of you means to me. I've been struggling lately, giving up one day and fasting the next, stuffing myself with any food within my reach, and then purging, only followed by more eating. I've felt like such a failure, I've felt like I've disappointed myself and all of you, and thus entered the vicious circle of eating, being ashamed, not posting because of the lack of motivation and lack of feeling motivating.... and so I've been hiding. Again. And I'm so very sorry.

I'm not going to lie, I gained a lot. I've made it safely back to 55 kg (121.25 lbs... oh, the irony) and however disgusting I feel for posting it here, it's the truth. And because I created this blog so that I wouldn't have to lie to anyone, especially not myself, I have to say that I (surprisingly) don't really feel anything when I look at that number. I'm getting back on track, starting today (after full 7 days of binging) and I'm declaring an absolute fast, meaning liquid fast until I get back to where I was when I still felt motivated. 

Strange. I just had a deja vu, looking at these two paragraphs. It's like it was meant to be, and I just did what was meant to be done, but hidden... until now. I'm back, my darlings. With all my heart I hope that you've been doing much better than myself. I promise that I'll go through your blogs these days and be supportive, motivating and.... me. A warm welcome to all my new followers: I'm actually really surprised you're still reading my blog, even though I've been such a disappointment. I love you, every single one of you, and again, thank you very very much for the support I need so much.


























I love you so much.

Never, never, never give up.
(Winston Churchill)