Thursday, April 15, 2010

Liquid Fast, DAY 3.

Liters of coffee. French roast, please. Liters of water. Yes, with ice. Thank you very much. 23 days until the summer break. 2 days until the weekend. 2 essays due before Friday. Feeling of hunger diminishing every day. The kilos I know I'm losing. The jeans I had on today for the first time since December because they didn't fit until today. The vision of me wearing ultra-short summer shorts, showing off thin legs and feeling good about myself. Yes to short dresses and no to embarrassment. That's what keeps me going.

No, no food. The lesser I eat, the better I feel about myself. If I only knew I'd feel so happy without food, I'd have stopped eating a long time ago. Oh yes. But now- I'm losing what I don't need. The world will be at my feet. I'll walk in the street and think how lovely, how beautiful, how enjoyable everything is. I will reach my goal. I know I will. The road might get bumpy, but I know I'm strong enough to see through the challenges and have my dream in front of my eyes at all times.

Everything is about keeping what you dream of close to your heart. It's not about what others think you should do, it's about you, about you, about you. This is about me. I want to be able to say I'm a determined, strong, will-empowered woman driven by my own visions, not the others' opinions. That's what keeps me going.

Have you ever thought about why you're doing what's you're doing?
Now would be the time. Stop and think.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Liquid Fast, DAY 2.

Every moment of resistance to temptation is a victory. 
(Frederick William Faber)

We gain the strength of the temptation we resist. 
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

A really good day today. I drank 4 cups of coffee and lots of water with lemon juice. The coffee flavor seems to work as an appetite suppressant for me- maybe it's the flavor, maybe it's just the texture of it that trick my stomach into thinking it doesn't need food. And that's the great news- I didn't feel hungry today, I didn't even feel weak or nauseous in the morning, I just went on until now without the urge to eat. Right now, as I'm writing this, I feel my stomach is protesting against the absence of solid nutrients, but I'll be going to sleep soon, so I'm ignoring it: I'm winning. And that makes me really happy.

Ok, so tomorrow's day 3 of my fast and I'm really scared of how it will turn out, since days 3-4 during my last try were my downfall (=binge). I'll do my best to fill my stomach with as much water as possible and I'm more than sure that if I resist tomorrow, it'll definitely help my determination because I'll feel like a winner. I KNOW it. Now the important part is to avoid any temptation tomorrow. Please think of me and send your positive waves my direction.

P.S. I really need to weigh myself... I'm getting really anxious, not knowing how badly/ how well I've been doing these days. Just a couple more days until Saturday and my trip to Walmart (too bad I won't have any time before that). I hope it'll be a pleasant surprise once I finally step on the scale.

Good night, girls! Let's stay strong.

Your determined girl.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Liquid Fast, DAY 1.

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. (Anatole France)

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal. (Pamela Vaull)

Hello sweethearts, so I set today as the beginning of my 5-day water/coffee fast, so here's my short update... have to go back to my studying.

I must say I've been doing really well (which is pretty understandable, after all, given that yesterday I ate more than enough), I've been drinking a lot of water with lemon juice and had 2 cups of coffee: I'll have one more a little later to help my body when studying. I'm really glad I didn't feel like eating; although I started to feel a little tired and dizzy around noon (which was definitely also because I slept only for 3 hours last night), I resisted and continued with my fast. Hope tomorrow's at least as good as today. Still no scale... SAD. I need to get batteries as soon as possible. Today is gonna be a long night again; the semester's coming to its end and that equals increased amount of assignments, meetings and projects, and thus increased number of sleepless nights.

Let's stay strong, girls, good luck to us.
We'll make it and will be BEAUTIFUL.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Sunday Evening.

A failure establishes only this, that our determination to succeed was not strong enough. 
(John Christian Bovee)

The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination. 
(Tommy Lasorda)

First of all, I was tagged in Elegant Thinspo's blog entry to answer the following questions, so here they are:

1. What are you wearing today?
Long black leggings, a boyfriend cardigan and a green boat neck top. Sunday comfy.
2. What is your favourite LP right now?
At the moment- Led Zeppelin's IV.
3. What strange things do you do?
In the morning, I always make sure my right foot is the first one to touch the floor; I make eye-contact with every single person that passes me by on the street and that's pretty much for the strange things I can think of right now.
4. When do you find it hard to resist food the most?
Evenings; my stomach urges me to give in and have dinner.
5. What are the first five things you do in the morning?
Try to persuade myself it's Saturday. If not, I look at the time, terrified get out of my bed, rush to the bathroom, brush my teeth and do my make-up. Hmm, that's six,  but they're all essential :).
6. Any creative activity?
I love to play the piano (have played for almost 12 years now), draw, sing, read and write poetry.
7. What are you doing when you go out?
Hang out with friends, smoke hookah, when at home (in Europe), drink beer.

And that, I think, is the end of this thread. Sorry about letting it die like this, Elegant Thinspo.

And back to the Sunday post. Yesterday was my third day of fasting, and, let me tell you, it was BAD. I had read a lot about the 3rd day being miserable, but I HAD NO IDEA... I woke up with a headache, felt nauseous and was sure that if I didn't have a bite of basically anything, I'd feel like that for the rest of the day. Well, so I had to eat breakfast, which, of course, helped immediately, though I felt horrible for breaking my fast so abruptly. And today, I ate a broccoli and cauliflower salad for breakfast and, even though I feel really ashamed, I have to admit I had to have dinner also (a cheese/ turkey sandwich). Yes, I know... I'm feeling VERY guilty.

Tomorrow I resume my no/minimum calorie intake plan. I know I've lost some weight already (and it makes me feel even more determined to lose more) so I'd really like to try out the water fast-- consuming nothing but water for 5 days, and on the 6th day, add some non-liquid food and keep the calories on minimum. Oh, and bad news- the battery in my digital scale died so I can't weigh myself until I get to go shopping (which will be who knows when...). Now THAT makes me feel anxious. Hopefully (if I stick to my 5-day water fast) it'll be a nice surprise in a couple of days when I finally get to weigh myself again.

Please wish me luck with my try number 2.