Wednesday, May 4, 2011

This is not a goodbye, it's more like... I'll be seeing you.


My beautiful little darlings
(or whoever still visits my blog),
you have probably figured that something has been wrong with me because I have been away from my blog for a while again. I haven't been doing very well, more like gaining more and more weight because of all the stress from school, finals and all the pressure (especially the kind of pressure I have been putting myself under). The only positive thing about the past couple of weeks has been that I have been going to the gym every, burning 700/800 calories on average. 

It is the finals' week at my college and tomorrow I have my last exam, so I am planning to pull an all-nighter tonight... the last one of this academic year. It is almost Wednesday, and I will be leaving for home on Sunday morning, landing in my beloved country on Monday. I cannot express how much I want to leave at this point... I have been a disappointment to myself, and even though I have been doing my best to avoid thoughts like this, I am losing the battle... I am losing myself, I am losing who I wanted to become, I am losing the last broken pieces of the person I once used to be and whose body I felt comfortable in. 

No, this is not a goodbye, I know I will be back at some point, probably after the summer, maybe even sooner... I just need some time to figure myself out. I love you so much, sweethearts. You are so very strong and are (and always will be) the true inspiration to me.

I'll be seeing you, but for now...


I love you all so much and owe you more than I will ever be able to pay back. Never ever forget how beautiful you are. This is not the end, it's a new beginning.