"Just keep eating like this and you'll have to leave the expensive
small jeans here when you're packing for school in August."
pats my stomach after lunch. grins. says nothing.
clearly looking at my thighs: "How about no dinner tonight?"
watching TV: "Look at that weather girl! Girls these days are so skinny!"
"You've gained a lot of weight in the two weeks that you've been home, right? Your cheeks are so chubby!"
With all my heart, mind and soul, I was determined to let the comments pass me by, but last night, the last comment my dad made, swept the glass vase of the fragile self-confidence I have been trying to glue together for the past year from the labile table of my existence. I was determined to do it the healthy way, my mind was so set on being the happy, healthy girl not at all preoccupied with her weight- I just wanted to be happy- that was all. The pressure I didn't count with pushed me onto my knees, and I'm back, I'm here, I'm blogging again... and I have to lose more weight.
I tried working out: I have been doing an hour on our stationary bicycle every day last week (burning 1000 calories a day) and my calves are starting to look toned. And bigger. And I didn't lose a single pound. And that freaks me out. I'll have to try a different routine.
55.7 kg (122.8 lbs) as of today.
My first goal is to get to the 53 kg (116.84 lbs) I was two weeks ago.
And this time, nothing can stop me from reaching the 48 kg (105 lbs).
I love you, girls. Only you truly understand what I'm going through.
Thank you for all your support last time- when I thought that... well, it doesn't matter now: let's just leave it all behind and start over.
I need you, darlings.