Friday, November 9, 2012

Everyone's mad here.


For quite a while now, 
I've lived with a plastic smile plastered on my face. 
Have been feeling so miserable, drowning in my depression.
The other day, someone told me I lived in a denial;
he couldn't have been more right.
They say you really are the person you are when no one's looking.
If that's the case (and I know it is), I'm just a pitiful little existence,
lonely when in need of someone to hold me,
listening to sad songs when I should try to cheer myself up,
withdrawing from everyone and everything
and, indeed, living in a denial.

The balloon of misery in my ribcage is getting bigger.
It's all-consuming, filled with self-pity, unhappiness and secrets.
Will it deflate, or will it burst?
I honestly can't predict right now;
and meanwhile, I don't eat, I don't sleep,
I avoid people and their wondering stares.
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 I'll be more optimistic, I promise.
Just not right away.

I love you, and your support is what I need;
but you know me: if I'm not happy myself,
I'd feel like a hypocrit if I tried to cheer you on...
so I remain silent.
But let me just say- 
your comments mean the world to me, my darlings.




  1. life is all an act. perhaps, one day we'll be happy enough with ourselves, but for now, living day by day is the only way i could think to survive.

    stay lovely, dearest. <3

  2. Ah, oh dear. We're both completely different from how we act around other people. Except for when the act fuses to our skin for a little bit and lets us live wrapped in denial.

    Stick another balloon in there, one you fill with good things. When you work out what's feeding the bad balloon you can shrink it and use the balloon of good things to push it out. It's bloody hard and takes time, but you can do it.

    Sending you tons of love and many hugs. Take care fo yourself, ok?