Wednesday, February 27, 2013

If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives.

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Day 1: January 24, 2013 
SW: 62 kg (136.69 lbs) 
CW: 55.9 kg (123.24 lbs)
UGW: 48 kg (105.82 lbs) 
weight lost: 6.1 kg (13.45 lbs)
weight to lose: 7.9 kg (17.42 lbs)

I hate negative people yet take satisfaction in wallowing in misery.
I cannot stand weakness yet sometimes find myself wanting to give up.
I could never tolerate lies yet have brought the art of deception to absolute perfection.
I always try to help people come out of their shells yet I myself have built thick brick walls around me.
***
Sometimes I wonder whether I'm a paradox myself or simply a hypocrite.
And then I shush myself with the comforting thought that maybe it's all just a defense mechanism to never let anyone see how fragile I really am.

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My life as of lately:

 
P.S. Where do I find my motivation? It's no motivation, really... it's a given for me that I need to get as far away as humanly possible from who I've become; and because I still believe that together with all of it came the fat, I need to get rid of it. (And maybe then I'll find peace.)

Love you.
Lu.

5 comments:

  1. That's how I feel too, all day the thought in my head has been "I don't want to be this" and my action has been to not eat.
    I hope you're doing okay darling <3
    Alice xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think life is full of contradictions and paradox
    Like we need rules and laws in order to be free
    Sometimes we need to surrender in order to gain control
    There's so many of them

    Love the Sylvia Plath quotes
    I have read The Bell Jar over and over
    It's one of my favourites

    Love to you x

    ReplyDelete
  3. All of what you just said is stuff Kerys challenges me on in Therapy *groans*

    You are allowed to do all the things you tell others to do as well. if you feel weak and fragile, let us carry you until you're stronger and hug you so you don't fall apart.

    Love you <3

    ReplyDelete
  4. Just found your blog, and i love it!
    Your thinspiration is amazing!
    Love, Anna

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete