Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Vorfreude (n.) the joyful, intense anticipation that comes from imagining future pleasures.

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Day 1: January 24, 2013 
SW: 62 kg (136.69 lbs) 
CW: 54.8 kg (120.81 lbs)
UGW: 48 kg (105.82 lbs) 
weight lost: 7.2 kg (15.87 lbs)
weight to lose: 6.8 kg (14.99 lbs)

Disclaimer: I feel kind on ranty today: probably has to do with the fact I haven't posted in a while. Please excuse this essay and feel free to skip ahead to the pictures if you don't feel like reading all of this; no worries at all, I'll completely understand.

Taking a deep breath... and here I go:

First of all, my dear
Sofia
Sunshine Child
Ruby
Peri
Anna
 and Alice:

Thank you so very much for your comments on my last post, I can't even express how much they (and you) mean to me. We're all going through some rough times, but they'll pass, you'll see, just hang in there: I love you so very much, and even though I might not have felt like commenting lately, I often think of you. We're headed toward something much better and much more beautiful. You're so strong, my darlings; thank you for being so loving and so supportive: I will never cease to admire how incredible every single one of you is.

*** 

There is one perfect word I can use to describe my past week or so: stagnation.
However, there are a couple more words even more perfect I can use to describe my current state of mind: not giving up.  
I have the potential to do so much better than this.

On multiple occasions, I have had the immense 'pleasure' of finding out that (number-wise) there are several milestones on the journey of weight loss; all of them are terribly difficult to pass by and leave behind, but at the same time, each one of them indisputably marks great success. I personally have (so far) encountered two: one is crossing the mark of 60 kg (~132 lbs) and getting down to the 50s; the second one is crossing 55 kg (~121 lbs). I also remember (vaguely, simply because it was a long time ago) fighting and struggling somewhere around 52-53 kg (~115 lbs)..well, will see about that ;)

Right now I'm somewhere around those dreaded 55 kg (~121 lbs), trying to abandon this number for good. It's really difficult now, yet I know the stagnation is just temporary... I'm seeing some minor changes already, and will surely be celebrating another milestone on my journey soon.


My father is the same as always...

 "Seems like you eat everything you lay your hands on."

 (looking through the window)
"You say it's genetics that your thighs are so big. How about all those skinny girls in the street? Is that genetics as well?"

(looking at me peeling a cucumber at 5:05 pm, little grin on his face)
"Didn't you say you weren't going to eat anything after 5?"

My brother, however, is noticing: every few days he asks me whether I'm losing weight and keeps commenting on how much better I'm looking lately. Yesterday he asked how much I weighed and when I told him to guess, he asked "52?" (115 lbs). I just laughed it off and thought "Not yet! (But soon.)

Okay, I think I'm done now with this novel of a post. I'm pretty sure there were million other things I wanted to mention and will think of them as soon as I hit "publish", but tomorrow's a day as well.

P.S. I wrote a part of this post yesterday, and later that evening, my period arrived (6 days early, hmm...). Well, at least I know where those binges, headaches and non-moving numbers on the scale last week were coming from.

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And I'll leave you with Tyler Knott Gregson... Oh, how I love him!

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No giving up allowed, understand?
Much love to you, my darlings.

Lu.

5 comments:

  1. Your father sounds like an ass. I'm sorry you have to put up with that. I'd be trying to avoid any ED conversations with him - don't tell him you're not planning on eating after 5pm, etc.. Don't give up, and he'll choke on his words.
    Good luck breaking the 55kg mark. You'll leave it in the dust! xx

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  2. Hi darling, you are doing so brilliantly! I think I should adopt your not eating after 5 rule, since night-eating is my downfall. I've yet to beat the dreaded 55kg myself (ever - my best is 55.5), maybe one day.
    Your father sounds very unhelpful, I'm sorry you have to put up with that.
    Take care lovely <3
    Alice xx

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  3. You're the best *Tacklehugs*

    I've been stagnating too. Covered in numb and slipping into denial about how much I'm eating and how little I'm training. NO LONGER.

    Fuck I want to slap your Dad. He is being a total ASSHOLE.

    Love you to bits <3

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  4. My dad made a comment to me like that when I was 16. He said "you know if you and your sister were really walking and biking as much as you say you are, you'd be a lot thinner by now." Dads just don't get it.

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  5. I love the photos, they are so inspiring. I've had a really lazy Sera Sera day where I actually accomplished a lot, but nothing that really needs to be done!

    Keep strong and its okay not to hit a goal here and there. Were women and our bodies are changing constantly and that can make it hard to lose weight.

    Good luck! Always stay strong throughout your mind, body, and soul.

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