There is absolutely no way how I will ever be able to tell you how much every single one of you means to me. I've been struggling lately, giving up one day and fasting the next, stuffing myself with any food within my reach, and then purging, only followed by more eating. I've felt like such a failure, I've felt like I've disappointed myself and all of you, and thus entered the vicious circle of eating, being ashamed, not posting because of the lack of motivation and lack of feeling motivating.... and so I've been hiding. Again. And I'm so very sorry.
I'm not going to lie, I gained a lot. I've made it safely back to 55 kg (121.25 lbs... oh, the irony) and however disgusting I feel for posting it here, it's the truth. And because I created this blog so that I wouldn't have to lie to anyone, especially not myself, I have to say that I (surprisingly) don't really feel anything when I look at that number. I'm getting back on track, starting today (after full 7 days of binging) and I'm declaring an absolute fast, meaning liquid fast until I get back to where I was when I still felt motivated.
Strange. I just had a deja vu, looking at these two paragraphs. It's like it was meant to be, and I just did what was meant to be done, but hidden... until now. I'm back, my darlings. With all my heart I hope that you've been doing much better than myself. I promise that I'll go through your blogs these days and be supportive, motivating and.... me. A warm welcome to all my new followers: I'm actually really surprised you're still reading my blog, even though I've been such a disappointment. I love you, every single one of you, and again, thank you very very much for the support I need so much.
I love you so much.
Never, never, never give up.