Tuesday, January 29, 2013

We see what we want to see. (Dad, you really think your daughter's okay?)

Last night, as I was going back to my room from the bathroom, I was suddenly taken aback and remained standing in the hallway, unable to move: my parents were in the living room, watching a documentary about eating disorders. There was everything-- 

the binges,
the hair loss,
the insomnia,
the pale face,
the headaches,
the depression,
the mood swings,
the perfectionism,
the bloodshot eyes,
the need for affection,
the constant tiredness,
the skewed body image,
two hours of exercise every day,
going to the bathroom after every meal, 
the bruised and red knuckles destroyed by purging, 
the calorie counting as opposed to the seemingly paradoxical obsession with food,
the state of pure panic when in a situation when unable to access a bathroom scale.

I was there, in the hallway. For good fifteen minutes. 
Holding my breath. Standing. Not moving. Could hear every word. 

And then, before switching the channel, my dad said:
"I just don't understand how anyone can be this sick without other people noticing."


  1. Isn't it simply incredible what people can miss, even when it's right in front of them?

    Breakfast After 10

  2. Eating disorders are so secretive that even our nearest and dearest miss them
    They thrive on secrets and lies
    For the first few years I wasn't aware I had anorexia and my family sure didn't know either
    Like any addiction we are experts at keeping our behaviours hidden x

  3. People tend to not see what they don't want to see.. And sometimes they see it, but don't want to believe it - you know what I mean?

  4. Denial plays a big part... for them to accept that you are sick means they have failed in some way. No parent wants to accept that.
    Try not to dwell on it- it's not personal xxx

  5. im sorry you had to hear that. parents could be so entirely oblivious and naive.

    youre lovely. <3

  6. All I can do is faceaplm in their general direction, (I mean, SERIOUSLY WTFF?!?) and send you massive e-hugs.

    *Hugs you tightly*

  7. the irony of the world is upon us sometimes, isn't it? people tend to miss what's in front of them. my parents didn't but that doesn't mean that they think it's serious and they would never stop me. i just have to remind you that them being oblivious doesn't mean that they don't love you or care for you, because that's just how it feels sometimes.
    -Sam Lupin

  8. WOW, yeah, Irony. I know what you mean. Except, in my case, I don't bother even trying to explain to people what I've been through, because I know they'll just think 'well then why aren't you skinny'?
    People don't want to see what is right in front of them. They live in a world of pure denial so they don't have to face a harsh reality and realise that they could be apart of the problem.