Friday, April 26, 2013

People run from rain but sit in bathtubs full of water.

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Sometimes I feel like our lives are parallel to the existence of the closing credits. You know, like when the movie's over, some of the bigger lights guiding the way along the stairs come back on, and most people stand up because, well, it's time to go home-- and the movie theater gradually falls silent, and you just sit there, looking at the list of people who shaped what you just watched into a coherent whole and look around yourself, just to spot a few people in the room who, like you, stuck around until the very end, and the sense of togetherness, the feeling of familiarity just becomes blatantly obvious.

The flow of people in and out of my life has always been a reassuring constant to me; I've been hurt numerous times throughout the years and learned to leave before I was left, yet the people who mattered always managed to find a way to keep up and stick by my side. I am not terribly good at relationships; in fact, I'm terrified that other people feel like I'm not good or fun or worthy enough to be wasting time with. I like to run and push people away out of pure persuasion I'll eventually hurt them much less if I'm out of reach. And maybe it's a subconscious test to see who will care enough to call. I've hurt myself countless times with the realization I'm not as unforgettable as I would like be; they say that sometimes it's the people you haven't heard from in a while who'd like to talk to you the most (just don't know how. I certainly don't know how.). Some days it just hits me how many bridges I've burnt and how many people I've hurt along the way. But then-- life goes on, it certainly does not stop for anyone, and we keep walking, jogging, running, making turns and U-turns, building and burning bridges. The thing is-- no matter how alone we feel, there will always be people who will catch up, swim side-by-side with the ruins of our burning bridges, people who will want to stay and watch the end credits with us. And even those who walk out of the movie theater to go home right after the closing scene-- we might see them again sometime, maybe even in the same place, as it is possible, after all, that we share a similar taste in movies.

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As for my no-binging/ hearting challenge..

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I'm learning to say no to my emotional hunger.
I'm also learning not to sabotage my achievements in the process.
That's a good thing, right?

Love always,
Lu.

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P.S.Peri, love, I have a bad feeling about a comment or two I made on your posts. Check your spam comments tab, maybe?

-L.

5 comments:

  1. I think I'm taken aback by how easily you can fade from someone's life. Maybe a month goes by and you can't connect because of schedules or whatever and then it's as though your efforts made no difference. I try not to forget people like that because I hate knowing they could forget me.

    <3

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  2. This is such an enlightening post because it is so raw and full of body. I'm glad I'm not the only one who burns bridges and relationships. Sometimes our emotions can take hold of us, controlling our thoughts and actions. Shaping what they want us to be. I always think it is a miracle I turned out somewhat decent and with a few brain cells still in tact and they are working full speed ahead.

    Carry on and tomorrow will be something better.

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  3. i suck at noticing people around the movie theatre, but i do have a knack for noticing what people order at cafes and how fat/thin they are and concluding shit about their diets based on that
    everyone deserves to have someone, love. everyone. and you are an angel, sweetie. you deserve more than what you think you deserve.
    and yes, i will use this line becaues it's so true: we accept the love we think we deserve.
    this is such a somewhat...profound post i'd say
    "to know one life has breathed easier because you have lived. this is to have succeeded." i completely agree with this one.
    this is why i want to do medicine.
    this is whats me feel like im doing something in this existence.
    that Charles dude. that one. that makes me happy.
    i truly believe that passion.
    is everything.
    to be honest, with the whole depression cycle thing, i have no passion, and i feel lost because of it. i feel like a hollow body. this is just something that i've always been aware of. my body is just filled with passion normally that now that it's been drained of it i don't know what to do anymore.
    -Sam Lupin

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  4. I just read through your entire blog in like 2 days. Dear God you're a beautiful person and this is a beautiful blog. <3 I think you're now in my top 5 favorite blogs. The things you say are so uplifting and insightful, even when you're having a rough time, that I'm just "holy shit I never thought of it that way... that's amazing"

    Please never stop blogging <3 I would be heartbroken.

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  5. You've certainly made it hard for yourself here, because unless you bolt from blogger you ain't getting rid of me :p

    I love you and the way you arrange collections of words and images FAR too much!

    <3

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