Sunday, May 12, 2013

May 11, 2013. 11:01pm.


I've been writing poetry and drinking whiskey like water.

An old lover returned to me last week and we've been inseparable ever since. She comes every night and wants to stay near so all we do is lay in bed, count the heartbeats, streetcars, songs of the drunks and syllables in my verses. We've always been in a love-hate relationship; regardless of our complicated history, I always greet her with my eyes and arms wide open. Someone told me once she was a bitch but I couldn't care less. (Chances are she slept with most of you as well.) We're as intimate as we've always been.



The only thing I wish for these days is that I find a way to live my life in happiness. Cliché, I know.

11:11. Here I go again.


I've been feeling so lonely lately that I often find myself standing by the windows, observing people down on the street, imagining what kind of lives they lead and what makes them who they are.


As always, I pushed everyone who cared away, forgetting again that trying to surround myself with new people is exhausting. Honestly, right now I don't really have the necessary energy so I'm lonely on my own. I'm beginning to realize it's tragic when you only trust yourself and it makes me a little less hopeful for the future as I need other people to trust me, which is, as a matter of fact, difficult if I can't make it work both ways.


twelve streetcars
one national anthem
three folk songs
seven airplanes in the sky
and countless vicious circles I can't seem to be able to get myself out of.

And the night has just begun.


  1. I do that too
    Look and people and imagine their lives
    I wonder what people think when they look at me
    Can they tell from looking at me what a mess I am?

    It's Sunday today
    I never sleep on Sunday nights
    Maybe that's a self fulfilling prophecy

    Love to you x

  2. An inspiration within a verse, and I love the imagery. Life is a spectacle, and it can be hard to watch other people's lives go bye when our life is standing still. I am in-between so many things myself, as I made a drunken fool out of myself this week (I might not of though, because I can't remember most of the night!), however, as I sit in my apartment alone, I'm happy for the little things like a cup of tea, and the neighbors internet connection that they never block.

    New people can be hard though; I think balance is good, but that is something I can never seem to find. I always need a good balance between old people and new, good and hopefully no bad! If I don't have this then I'm lost and struggling to find myself among everything around me. Even though, I usually never lose myself completely, I don't know if any of us do.

    I love you and wish you the best with love and your spiritual emergence into the world through poetry and whiskey! Have a wonderful Sunday as well! <3

  3. I hope you have a good time.

    People who don't desire to be really happy don't understand life.

    Love you <3

  4. yay for poetry
    not sure about the whiskey
    insomnia is the worst fucking thing in the world
    and aww omg you're bi/les? that's nice.
    11:11. there you go again, love. <3
    your writing is beautiful by the way. i hate to say that i feel the sadness in the undertone. i hope you're fine. i wish you are, my love.
    please try to take care of yourself. you deserve more than what you think you do.
    ~Sam Lupin

  5. I love that last poem, it's so beautiful. Enjoy her company!

  6. P.S.

    Thank you for the awesome comments! *hugs*

    Lol I should get you to punch ME in the face when I start believing the stupid shit the BrainSpaz says. Or maybe just the arm. I think you might break my nose or something ^.^

    I'm so following your suggestion and investigating yoga. I really need to increase my flexibility so I can do some BASIC hooping moves that involve elbows/knees. Ugh, I'm like a bit of old leather!

    Oh oh oh can you put my hair in the Katniss Braid? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE??? I really love how it looks but I can't do it on myself :(

    Love you tons, you seriously fucking majestic creature, you *hugs*

  7. I miss reading your writings <3

    I hope you are doing okay.