There is absolutely no way how I will ever be able to tell you how much every single one of you means to me. I've been struggling lately, giving up one day and fasting the next, stuffing myself with any food within my reach, and then purging, only followed by more eating. I've felt like such a failure, I've felt like I've disappointed myself and all of you, and thus entered the vicious circle of eating, being ashamed, not posting because of the lack of motivation and lack of feeling motivating.... and so I've been hiding. Again. And I'm so very sorry.
I'm not going to lie, I gained a lot. I've made it safely back to 55 kg (121.25 lbs... oh, the irony) and however disgusting I feel for posting it here, it's the truth. And because I created this blog so that I wouldn't have to lie to anyone, especially not myself, I have to say that I (surprisingly) don't really feel anything when I look at that number. I'm getting back on track, starting today (after full 7 days of binging) and I'm declaring an absolute fast, meaning liquid fast until I get back to where I was when I still felt motivated.
Strange. I just had a deja vu, looking at these two paragraphs. It's like it was meant to be, and I just did what was meant to be done, but hidden... until now. I'm back, my darlings. With all my heart I hope that you've been doing much better than myself. I promise that I'll go through your blogs these days and be supportive, motivating and.... me. A warm welcome to all my new followers: I'm actually really surprised you're still reading my blog, even though I've been such a disappointment. I love you, every single one of you, and again, thank you very very much for the support I need so much.
I love you so much.
Never, never, never give up.
(Winston Churchill)
Lu.
Don't give up, darling. You can do this, I know you can. Stay strong <3
ReplyDeleteYou are never, never a disappointment. None of us are perfect; we all slip up now and then. Learning from our mistakes and getting and giving support are the reasons we are here. Your moments of weakness can only make you stronger--you can do it!
ReplyDelete<3
Glad you're back love. You've let no one down. Just do what you have to do. We're all in this together!
ReplyDeleteYou can do this. Everyone slips up sometimes, but we are all here for you when ever you need us :)
ReplyDeleteStay strong,
Lottie x
Nobody here is a disappointment, we love you through your bad and good times. We support you no matter what. Lots of love girl, I am sending you lots of skinnies and loves and strong vibes!
ReplyDeleteI completely relate to you, I feel like a failure too. The bulimia is back but I've decided to eat 400cal a day and I'm avoiding home because that is the only place I feel comfortable purging.
ReplyDeleteWe can get back on track, we can lose what we gained, hopefully lose more.
Good luck :)
p.s: I'm giving you the versatile blogger award, the picture and conditions are on one of my posts. you are SUPER!!!
p.p.s: I changed my blogger name (the old one was a not so little mermaid)
I missed reading your posts while you were gone, and I was worried about your absence. I don't think anyone reading would be disappointed in you for messing up. We all have failure days, but what's important is that you are deciding to start again. today is your day, make it wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI love the pebbles quote. It makes this all seem possible.
YAY! YOU'RE BACK! I missed your lovely posts; I would check back every day and it would be the same post title and I would be sad :( but now you're back! I've had an awful time too; I've been neglecting my blog because I've been so awful. Lovely thinspo and quotes as usual - so hopeful and uplifting! You've inspired me to get back posting and get on track! keep us updated, <3RaeLynn
ReplyDeleteI am so completely in those shoes right now. I feel horrible mentally and physically- the guilt and the nausea have torn me apart and are wreaking havoc on me! The one thing we can count on is that we will starve again... that's another part of this godforsaken cycle that we always come back to.
ReplyDeletexo
Victoria
Aww! Thank you so so much for your comment- that was the kindest thing anyone has ever said!! (*^.^*) You are not a failure & you shouldn't be disappointed in yourself-we all lose motivation every now and then- sometimes we give up and we lose the courage to continue on, but only for a little while. The important thing is that you are finding the motivation again to continue what you set out to do! I hope your fast will go well for you- you will get back on track and you will get back to where you want to be!
ReplyDelete<3
So many inspirational pictures! I particularly LOVED the one about the pebble! I'm putting it on my blog (if that's ok with you)
ReplyDeleteI have missed you my darling, I really really have A LOT.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're back.
You could never be a disappointment, only an inspiration.
You are such a lovely and such an AMAZING person.
Thank you so much for your lovely comments and thank you for the latest comment you left me.
It warmed my heart and made me feel so loved and appreciated.
You are just so amazing, beautiful, gorgeous and just so damn caring.
Please think better thoughts about yourself.
Please.
I hope you feel better soon my love.
Love Anafly
xxx
ps. welcome back
You're not a disappointment. Everyone goes through hard times, but you're right... NEVER GIVE UP!
ReplyDeleteYou're amazing, my dear, and I know you can get to wherever you want to be.
I love you,
x