Black-and-White.

So I haven't been stuffing my face for about a week now, but I'm somehow not losing weight-- I've been on 59.5 kg (131.2 lbs) ever since I came back to school and SO want to start losing weight again... it just makes me happy when (after a successful while of non-binging) I see the number on the scale in the morning. These days it's been the same, + or - a 0.2 kg.

Today- no, no breakfast. It's lunch time now, but NO, I decided to read your blogs and look at your thinspo pictures instead.. you keep me going, loves. The plan for the next couple of days is to minimize the food intake to 1 meal a day, preferably a salad, a piece of chicken or some fruit (I might even skip it tonight since I've been doing so well so far).

Oh gosh, something completely unrelated, which I feel I need to confess because I haven't told anyone yet-- I think I have a crush. I saw this really cute guy sitting on a bench the other day when I was walking to a meeting and in a little while after that I had to pass right by him again to get back to my dorm.. and he smiled at me both times. Ever since that, I can't stop thinking about him! I have a job in the library and on Monday he came to photocopy some papers, said hi to me and smiled the same smile again.. when he was done, he came over and asked me for some paper to write on, but, since I'm new to the library, I had to go ask the manager where we kept paper, so that was a bit awkward... maybe he really needed that paper and maybe he just wanted to talk to me? I don't know and it's sickening!! I haven't seen him since that and I SO want to meet him again (no, I have no idea what his name is, where he's from, I just know I kinda really like him :). I'll keep you posted.

So that's my motivation for now: I really want to look better than I do now and this is THE way.

I love you, girls and keep writing your wonderful blogs. I'd have lost the fight with food a very long time ago if I didn't read your posts.

Since my results are so greyish, here's some (mostly) black-and-white thinspiration:

1st Day.

breakfast: half of a grapefruit (25cal), orange juice (100cal)
lunch: one banana (90cal), one apple (50cal)
afternoon: a banana (90cal)

So far, a total of 355 calories for today.
Might have a light salad for dinner, but won't go over 400 calories.

Will try to cut the amount of calories to 300 for tomorrow, then 200, then a hundred and see what the fast brings. Yes, I'm back on the way to success and I have trust in myself. Yes, I do.

xxx

Let's Get Down to Business!

Success is a science;if you have the conditions, you get the result. 

(Oscar Wilde)

Success is dependent on effort. (Sophocles) 

Success is that old ABC:ability, breaks, and courage. 

(Charles Luckman) 

Dear ones,


I'm back at school and starting a new diet. School means no control of my parents and thus less food, which, hopefully (keeping my fingers crossed) equals more weight loss. Kinda started my fast today, this is what I ate:


breakfast- half of a grapefruit (25cal), orange juice (100cal)
lunch- salad: 5 or 6 cherry tomatoes (20cal), cauliflower (6cal), orange juice (100cal), one plain cookie (40cal)
in the afternoon- 2 bananas (180cal), an apple (53cal)


That makes 524 calories for today. Not too good, but not bad either.
Will be making sure tomorrow's better than today.


xxx

Trying. Trying. Trying.

I'm honestly surprised about what my scale showed today.
Last time I weighed myself, the number on it was, well, 61.9 kg (136.5 lbs). That was on Monday.
It's Wednesday morning and the scale shows 60.5 kg (133.4 lbs).

The news is that I somehow managed to persuade my mom to go on a fruit detox diet with me, telling her they (my mom and my dad) eat too much and there's no way how over-eating in these temperatures is healthy. Since Monday evening, we've been eating mostly raw fruit, though yesterday we had a pasta/ vegetable lunch. My mom's not home in the mornings (starts job at 7) so I can eat absolutely nothing for breakfast, then something for lunch and fruit for dinner. I'm SO SURPRISED it's worked so well. I drink a lot of water, eat fruit and feel so much better.

Well, we'll see how this all works out (and for how long). For now, I just have a teeny- weeny hope I will at least get to the weight at which I was when I came home in May. For now, crossing the terrible line of 60 kg (132.3 lbs) is the goal. Please wish me luck. Your blogs help immensely.

Have a great day, loves!!

Slowly, but steadily-- gaining weight.

Good news: we finally installed a wifi router in our apartment, which means I have a way better access to internet now and can use my own laptop to browse the web. That also means I can resume my blogging, which I honestly missed.

Bad news: my weight loss- nothing to brag about. I'm slowly gaining weight and even thought I struggle and have tried dieting, the constant care of my parents makes it, quite frankly- impossible. I'm back on almost 62 kg (136.7 lbs), making it a goal to stay approximately on this level until I go back to college and resume my diet (this time, keeping my fingers crossed- successfully).

The summer's not been as eventful as I would have liked it to be, but I'm well-rested, not sleep-deprived any more and planning on making the most out of the 5 weeks I have left at home.

I'd be more than happy to hear from you-- I'm just going to comment on some of your latest post.

Be strong, darlings.

60.4 kg in the morning.
Slowly reaching back to under 60kg.

No time for internet= no time for blogging.
Eating as little as possible without making my parents realize what I have been up to.. successfully. 
Got my final thanks-God-my-first-year-of-college-is-over grades last Friday- better than expected. Pretty good, actually.

Loving all your posts, my loves. Too bad elegantthinspo is gone...If you are reading this- good luck with everything, sweetheart. If you resume your blogging for whenever and for whatever reason, let me know, ok?

Good luck to all of you. Yes, we can do this. We will overcome all obstacles however hard it might be because we are so strong. Lots of love from the old continent.

Back in the Homeland.

Sweethearts, I'm back at home since last Saturday. Since I always suffer from terrible jet lags, I've been sleeping pretty much since I arrived, but... there always seems to be a 'but'. I've been eating so much it's not even possible: I'm incredibly ashamed of myself. The thing is- my parents have been stuffing me since my arrival and there's just no way how to refuse the food and not to eat with them. I'm back to 62 kg and shifted from the anorexic not eating at all to bulimic and fault-feeling cycle of eating too much (compared to what I had been eating before I was under the constant watch of my parents) and purging.

Yes, only purging makes me feel better. I can feel the grams and the kilos staying in my body and building more and more fat and my new jeans getting smaller and smaller on my thighs every day- I feel so disgusting. So so disgusting. It's also really hard for me to keep blogging because of the excitement of my parents that I'm at home and being very curious as to what I'm doing at all times- I can't just go on internet and write a post. I will have to try anyway- I need to keep keeping track of what I'm putting into my mouth and thus stay determined in my goal. I'll be so lucky if I manage to keep my weight at least at this point over the summer and keep losing it when I'm back at school. Ah, the perks of summer.

It's lovely to be at home though. I'm not saying it's not, I've been looking forward to the end of the school semester for way too long.. now it's here. It's just so hard to stay determined, harder than I though it would be. Your blogs really help, my darlings, I just don't have the time to comment on them.

I love you and honestly- thank you for all your support. Nothing would be possible without you.

Best of luck on all your exams, end of semesters and such. I'll be posting something as soon as I can, I promise. I'll also start adding some thinspo pictures, because I really need them at this point. Sending all my love to all of you from the lovely old Europe!!